Finding My Voice Was Absolutely Essential

Finding my voice as a survivor of abuse who had suffered in silence was (like the need for air).

To find my voice was to find me. Identifying my own voice and differentiating between the conditioned voice in my head and listening to my inner people who wanted to be acknowledged, seen, and heard was what it took to break the silence and recover. Hearing them, getting to know my different identities, accepting them and especially listening to what happened to me (no matter how outrageous it sounded) facilitated integration and wholeness. Finding my voice by connecting with my inner parts/people and the memories they carried broke the don’t remember programming. Connecting with my voices is what it has taken to become a team that works together like a beautiful group of synchronized swimmers heading for the same goal.

I believe that getting to know my insiders was the way to freedom. Getting to know your insiders can be the way to freedom for you too.

The Ways I Connected With My Alters:

• I’d lay on my bed holding my teddy bear for dear life allowing flashbacks to come out.

• Journaling

• Writing poetry

• Doing art using colors, markers, painting on canvas for those who were preverbal or for more graphic memories.

• Making videos chatting with the parts who wanted to share to get to know each other.

Making videos of what happened to me using text, music and my voice and express my emotions. But, writing and doing videos wasn’t enough.

Using my voice Speaking Out and Breaking the Silence A huge part of my recovery was breaking the cycle of abuse by sharing my story with other people who believed and supported me. This broke the silence and the power and control my abusers had over me. By saying I was abused to my husband, my therapist and then the public, I released the shame and took back my power. By naming my abusers I began putting the blame onto my perpetrators where it belonged. I began sharing my story and my poetry through videos on my Youtube channel, Tik tok and other social media. I shared my poetry at RA/MC events and other open mic nights. It’s scary to tell others because there is the risk of being judged, blamed or not getting the support that we need, and worse….not being believed or silenced. Negative responses can be devastating and retraumatizing or reinforce conditioned beliefs to remain silent. Survivors often suffer in silence. Some never tell anyone. Speaking out broke through the “don’t tell” programming.

Finding my voice in community with other survivors.

Abuse is done in secrecy in the context of a relationship. Recovery for me needed to be done in relationship to break the isolation. Research has proven that finding our voice in community with other survivors hastens recovery versus individual therapy alone. Being vulnerable, being heard, witnessing each other’s stories creates solidarity, a sense of belonging, that we’re valued & worth something & encourages & empowers the whole group. It also broke the conditioned belief that I can’t trust anyone else and the only way to stay safe was in quiet seclusion. I can honestly say that my healing accelerated tremendously and I’ve had more progress taken to a whole new level by attending writers workshops, poetry events and support groups with other survivors where I shared my voice in community and they shared theirs.

SOME mental health professionals say “Don’t listen to the voices”.

While this may be true for some diagnoses, I say IF you have DID to not listen to those in the field who say don’t hear your inner people’s voices. Don't act on impulses or programming that says to harm or hurt yourself or others, but listening to our inner voices who are essential parts of us are the key to what happened to us. My latest way to continue to have a voice is to have this website and do some blogging to raise awareness, speak out about abuse, and to offer hope and encourage other survivors that there is hope and healing after abuse.