Hope played a significant role in my healing journey. What is hope you may ask?
Hope is a feeling of expectation and a desire for something good to happen; a belief in something bigger than ourselves at work that keeps you going when things get so hard you don’t know how or if you are going to get through the pain and you don’t have the will to live, or the strength you need to continue on the long road to recovery and to do the hard work it takes to not give up.
Having no hope was a by product of being abused in the way that I was. It can also be a defense mechanism or way to cope after trauma. If you have no hope then you have no expectations, with the idea of not being so disappointed when things don't turn out the way we want.
If you can hold onto hope even in the darkest of times and the toughest storms I found out you can get through anything. I’d like to share the different levels of hope that helped me to get on the other side of the darkness of RA/MC.
I found that there were different levels of hope that I experienced along the way.
I Am Not Alone Reading information and the statistics about ritual abuse and mind control in books and on the internet helped me to realize that I was not alone. Knowing that this type of abuse really happens and I was not the only one this happened to; that I was not the only survivor out there and that I wasn’t just making it up.
Meeting Other Survivors of RA/MC. I had met survivors of sexual abuse for decades but I began meeting survivors of RA/MC from all over the world through Youtube & social media, but when I met many of the survivors who had also gotten support and ministry from Discovering MErcy in person at a retreat and in the support group that I still facilitate I felt that there was even more light at the end of the tunnel.
Meeting a Survivor on the Other Side of Darkness The pinnacle of hope was meeting another survivor who was on the other side of the darkness with much recovery and integration who was more whole, more functioning than I was and who had been helping others for 20 years and was now helping me. For the past 5 years I have had intensive ministry and am taking a foundational counseling course through their ministry that has been very helpful and empowering. It was like if she can do it so can I. And if I can then so can you; the hope snowballs as we become the hope for others.
Hearing About Other Survivors Who Were Speaking Out A very influential part of my increased hope was hearing other survivors of RA/MC who were speaking out in public and listening to their videos and podcasts, or reading their books that were getting to be well known AND (here’s the kicker) they were still alive. Cathy Obrien, Brice Taylor, Wendy Hoffman and those that worked with survivors like Allison Miller
Me speaking out By making videos, sharing my story, raising awareness, and exposing this type of abuse on Youtube, Tiktok, and other social media, it escalated the hope that I had because now I was “living proof” that I could break the conditioning that was meant to silence me and keep my abusers from being exposed....and no one harmed me. I am determined to continue to speak out to give hope to others. It gives me hope and gives my life purpose.
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