This story was written by one of my parts. It was her way of telling me about what happened to me. The Lilly files have significance in my system. (See reference below to the research done by John Lilly that was used during my torture)
There is such beauty in God's creation. Trees grow, flowers bloom, birds sing, crickets chirp, eagles soar, gazelles run, opossums play dead to protect themselves. Like the God who created them they reflect His goodness and HIs greatness as a Creator, as a God of Wonders and Creator of all things. I liken my 5 year old self to a yellow pond lily. Ready to blossom and excited about the sun shining on my face. I had light blonde hair, hazel green/goldish brown eyes and I was ready for the world; ready to play, the sun lit up the yellow to the brightest color. The light made my lily pad even a brighter hue of green. But playing was not allowed and the pond patrol stood watch during the day and would punish the flower for blooming the way God wanted and it would be banished out of the pond family had I dared do anything except what the dark pond dominion wanted for this particularly small pond. At night the lily was much darker and sadder and did not shine at all and actually became the darkest brown, almost black color that had ever been a part of this body of water. The sadness became a deep sense of hopelessness and a profound longing to be known and understood by someone.
Her heart was a cavern and what seemed to be an endless place of loneliness and tears that hindered her ability to develop. Would anyone even begin to like her? Love her? Care for her in a genuine way? Oh how she wished she could even be a bit closer to the other lilies. Unable to see my own face I imagine that the tears I cried were falling into the pond that I was in, but I was unable to see my reflection. Did that mean that I didn't exist? Did that mean that I was of no value to anyone? If I could not see myself, does that mean I am but a vapor and here one or two days and as quickly as I am ready to bloom my life is over? Did I belong to this pond? Did I belong anywhere? I had heard that some people even use the word lily pad as a way to welcome someone to their home. There was only one other pond lily blooming the same day that I was. This pond lily didn't talk either, but I really needed to talk. Maybe the other flower would sense that I was there; sense the fear, the anxiety without having to come up with the words to say or being told what to say and being threatened with what would happen to me if I ever did talk, much less blossom. Across the other side of the pond was a yellow and gold sunflower with a deep brown umber center. It stood bold and tall and seemed unmoved by anything that life threw his way. He told me about God and how happy he was to have someone to belong to and to feel truly loved and accepted by Him. How I wanted that with a deep yearning. If I looked better at night would He love me? If I fixed myself up would He approve of me? If I could repair what was wrong with me would He even begin to like me? I could possibly hope, but what if I was mistaken? The things that were done at the pond to the lilies was illegal, immoral, wicked, dishonest, sinful, unethical, and all was amiss. No one even knew this pond existed. The lilies were not cared for and were treated in inappropriate ways. But the most awful sin was the harm done to the mind of the flowers. The flower that was created to bloom in the most beautiful way to reflect God's image and give God glory was part of a diabolical plan. This was NOT God's plan for the flowers He created. God's power and might and the promises of God with a heart filled with His perfect love to reflect His glory was what God had planned.
The sunflower saw that the yellow lily was in trouble. She was going down into the pit pond sinking deep into the mud and mire and someone had to help her because she began to give up and thought no one could save her from this entrapment of her mind. Her life had been a ruse and a snare was at every turn. She was deceived over and over again with ambush after ambush, shut in a world that they swore did not exist. There were none that she knew of that had escaped and she thought her life was over.
Because she had been shown what would happen to her by seeing what happened to others, she gave her complete loyalty to never tell and became a traitor to herself by doing so. They set up her mind to be against herself and the way that God had created her to be. To even go to someone for help was not an option although she tried more than once. The powerlessness and fear of abandoning and losing herself went against everything that God had put in her. God had given her a beautiful brain that was designed for her protection and to protect others. A survival instinct that is designed to cause a person to be able to run, fight, or freeze. The yellow pond lilies along with other colored pond lilies had been taken to the same place to see how far they could take them before there would be a complete breakdown of the mind. Being taken to the brink of death and being forced to this place of marvelous protection that would normally would be able to protect her was used so often to cause a diabolical set up which included the lilies files. Parts of self; parts of the mind began breaking off and the yellow pond lily went away inside her mind as fragments causing devastating damage.
God saw what was being done to the pond lilies. He was so angry that they were hurting His children and that they were forced to keep silent. He looked around and saw the hardness of the hearts of the criminals. These children belonged to Him. He was their Creator and they didn't know the truth about Him or about themselves. He saw that they were being handed money after the evil that was done to them. He saw that they were being forced to sin against others. He saw that the house that would become a temple of God one day was being bought and sold in the slave market. He wanted them to know the value and worth they possessed just for who they were. He wanted freedom for the yellow pond Lily. He wanted freedom for all the other pond lilies...even for those who hurt the pond lilies because they were all held captive by evil.
The voice of God thundered above from the heavens. As the lilies cried out to Him He stretched out His hand. The heavens sent rain, the wind blew, and lightning came down on the wicked pond. His perfect love shone down on them and they felt the release of their torment. Some of the evil lilies that had been harming the pond lilies and the other water flowers turned from their wicked ways and God said, "What you meant for evil I meant for good."
Reference: In his research at the National Institute of Mental Health, John C. Lilly experimented with dolphins and claimed that the use of sensory isolation, electrostimulation of the brain, and the recording and mapping of brain activity could be used to gain ‘push-button’ control over motivation and behavior. Lilly’s work at the NIMH was not, as Lilly had proposed, a detailed translation of brain activity to consciousness and behavior, but instead a manuscript entitled ‘Programming and Metaprogramming in the Human Biocomputer’. The book was a training manual for the exploration of consciousness, describing how using isolation tanks, psychedelic drugs, and meditation techniques, one could learn to program and reprogram one’s brain. Some of his techniques were used as part of a project that was used on me during my torture and programming that my system identified as the "Lilly Files".